I Can See the Light...

Is anyone even reading this anymore? I have no idea. I know my posts get fewer & farther between, but that's only because I rarely have the energy to be as witty as I once was. Only 5 weeks left in this little adventure and it can't come soon enough. I sit here at my desk completely uncomfortable. There is a small foot (butt? arm?) that has lodged itself into my side. It feels like a boulder when I touch it and it hurts. Yes, child, you are already hurting your mother. Sitting is the worst possible position for me, so guess what I do all day at work? I sit. At my desk. Feeling sorry for myself. What I want to do is lay down and have a siesta underneath my desk. Occasionally I will get up to stretch my body out and take a lap or two around the building - that way I can move the baby around and look like I'm actually working - two birds with one stone! And today I am sweating. I feel like running to the break room and climbing into the freezer.

So, back to the 5 weeks. Yes!!! Finally, there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are times when I feel I've been pregnant forever. I'm tired now. My body is creaking like a 100-year-old door. And I haven't even had it rough...this has been easy to what it could have been. Sure, I probably shouldn't complain, but I'm going to anyway. Momma is sick of maternity wear. Sick of subleasing her body! Momma wants to be able to put on her beautiful new boots without panting or finally giving up and having hubby do it for her. Yes, that's right, my name is Mary and my husband occasionally helps me put my boots on. I want my boobies to be of normal size again (yes, I can forget that for awhile with breastfeeding), I want to actually be able to see the lawn while I'm manicuring it - another task hubby may have to take over (extremely scary to think about). I'd like the occasional cocktail. I'd like to be able to enjoy Pilates or a jog without being completely worthless for the rest of the day. All superficial and selfish reasons, I admit. The main reason is simply that I am impatient and want to meet the little one and be a mom. Not to mention, I've got some darling outfits I can't wait to put on the little monkey!

I never thought I'd be tired of talking about being pregnant, but I am. Every time I see someone it's the same damn questions - even if I just saw them the day before. I know, it's mean, but I've never once claimed to be a sweetheart. I am impatient and pregnancy magnifies that trait 100%. Everyone is an expert and has their opinions. They all seem to know the sex of the baby. Did they see something I didn't during the sonogram? Were they in the room? Is it possible that x-ray vision does exist? I know it's only going to get worse! I'm more of a "I'll ask you when I want to know" person...but I understand, people are only trying to help. I've been doing my reading and I know I'm not alone in this, but I still feel like a meanie.

So, in a few days we hit up the doctor for the 36 week appointment and I'm told I will have the Group B Strep test. I did a little research and come to find out, I will be violated in places that are exit-only. What in the eff? But the exciting thing is (well, as exciting as a pelvic exam can be) is that I will get an idea of baby's location and how I am starting to progress. Well, this is what I assume - but I am occasionally wrong. Personally, I do not want to be weighed anymore - the scale is no longer my friend. I think the nurse can make an educated guess and leave it at that. She can even shave off a few pounds if she is so inclined. Let's skip over the peeing in a cup ordeal - I usually miss and go all over my hand. I can't see down there, so I'm basically shooting in the dark. And I love the sign that says to collect the "middle portion" of the urine. By the time I actually hit the cup, it's more of a trickle, so they're lucky if they get any of it.

Ah, pregnancy. Enjoyable, delightful and wonderful, but I'm ready for the next stage. I don't mean to scare anyone into thinking it's a miserable experience, but it's time for it to be over!

I hope you all had a delightful holiday - those of you who still read this, that is. Take care and have a happy new year! xoxo

Impatient Irma

6.5 weeks left and I'm so ready I can't stand it. I never thought I'd be that impatient, uncomfortable, whale of a lady who felt like they couldn't stand it another day. I feel like I've been pretty easygoing throughout this whole deal, but now, I can't take it. I want to own my body again and no longer sublease it to this little one. I want to meet it! I want to put all of the cute outfits on it and kiss & love on it. I want to change diapers! I'd rather have lack of sleep because my little on is hungry! Not because my hips hurt or I'm having an atrocious leg cramp or because I can't roll over without my pubic (yes, pubic) bone hurting.

I hate to complain. Actually, I sort of like it, because this is the only time in my life I will be able to complain without people thinking I'm a total pain in the ass. And it's happened to me overnight. Last week I was carefree and comfortable and this week, I just want it to be over. My back hurts because my boobs are 48lb bowling balls! I don't, however, have the dreaded lower back pain (hopefully it won't come later) and I attribute that solely to Pilates (it has been working!!). I need back rubs. I need sleep. I need to be carried everywhere. Anyone have a wheelbarrow hubby can haul me around in? I need a reclining wheelchair to put the feet up on at all times. I want the baby to drop its little bod down low so that momma can breathe! So my ribs don't feel like they are in my throat.

Does pregnancy sound horrendous to you yet? Well, it should. Just kidding, folks. If 6 or 7 weeks of being uncomfortable and exhausted is all I have to worry about, then I'm all good. I suppose I could have been violently ill, swollen and puffy, vericose-veined, hemorrhoids, constipated, and then some. Ok, I'm starting to feel a little better about things. Slightly. Mostly, I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'd like the husband to try and do this! I politely tell him to shut his piehole when he complains of being tired or sore. He has no business talking about it until he's waddled through life with an extra person in his belly. He may never be able to talk about it again, frankly. I might not let him - I might not ever feel sorry for him again.

In any case...little Baby needs to hurry up. I know it will come when it comes...but I wouldn't complain if it were just a few days early. :) Love & hugs to you all!

Walky Talky Hawky

I feel as though since just yesterday afternoon, my belly has doubled in size. From the time I left work, exercised and got home, I must have expanded at least 27 inches. Is this possible? Can my belly really grow over a matter of 2 hours? Dear child, what are you doing to your mother? I've taken the liberty of giving myself the nickname "Foghorn Legorn". My belly, coupled with a bubble butt (which I had pre-pregnancy) has rendered me the spitting image of the annoying rooster.

So, we had a doctor's appointment on Monday and every time I get weighed, I vow to close my eyes, then wind up peeking anyway just to make myself miserable. By normal standards, it's not a bad weight gain. It's only my belly and overflowing mammaries, but still. Someone in my pilates class said she couldn't tell I was pregnant from the back and I think she might have been high. I feel that my hips and width has tripled. How in the hell am I going to slither into my pre-mom jeans once the baby is out? My doctor is not worried, so why am I in a constant state of panic? I worry about stretch marks. I'm thinking...just under 2 mos left so there's still time if they want to rear their ugly head. I have this horrible feeling that my stomach is going to burst outward with a rainbow array of red & purple. Therefore, not only do I use my Palmer's Cocoa Butter Stretch Mark Cream twice a day, I have also taken to using pure Vitamin E oil, as well as lathering up with some lotion at work when I use the restroom. Time consuming, but I figure I can't be too cautious. Does it even work? Could I be any more vain? Imagine if anyone at work could see me - dress up, tights down, shirt up, whatever - slathering lotion all over my oversized belly. Out of all of the things I stress about, this is it. You'd think it would be child deformities, brain damage, labor complications, but no. Well, that's not true, I have worried about all of those things, but I have the utmost confidence in sonograms and medical technology.

So, the coolest thing about pregnancy is feeling the baby move. It's so unreal to think of this little person rolling around inside of me. Still - after feeling it move all day for the last 2 months, I still can't believe it. I found out that the baby's head is down (good) and it's foot is what is lodging under my ribs. Only when I sit down & get all scrunched up. Sometimes talking to it will get a little nudge out of it, sometimes if I poke it, it will poke back. It's already communicating with me in its own little way. It's so amazing. AND...baby loves the Jayhawks just like Momma. I know this because every time I watch them the baby moves a lot, which in my book is a thumbs up for the beloved crimson & blue. Baby went to its first game the other night and I'm sure it will be one of many. I've decided that if I am giving birth on February 7th, there will be a tv installed so that the KU-KSU game can be turned on so baby can come into the world on a winning note. Yay! Rock chalk, my little baby Jayhawk! :)

Despite some of my rants and ravings, I have to say, things have been pretty uneventful. I can still jog and do pilates (although like an 83-year old woman) and only a couple little moments of Braxton Hicks. Things have been great and I've been extremely lucky during this pregnancy. Here's hoping things continue to go well...and a shout-out to Baby Landon, born yesterday at 11:39 in the morning (12 minutes of pushing...lucky momma!)! I'm out...