39 Down...

I sit here one week before my due date reflecting on a few things about this pregnancy. First of all, for the most part, it was extraordinarily easy. The only thing I can really complain about is tiredness, which simply comes with the territory. I have had only a couple of major meltdowns (both being this week...oops, sorry to all those involved). It all began Thursday at the weekly appointment when I got teary thinking of some random story about Jack and then the fact that I feel I'm at the end of my mental rope. Doctor just hands me the Kleenex and says it's perfectly ok to be hormonal at this stage in the game. I hate feeling stereotypically hormonal and I know sometimes it can't be helped. And now I'm just uncomfortable in really anything except underwear and a sports bra, but that's a mental picture none of us need...

I will not miss certain things about pregnancy - the feeling that I'm not myself, that sometimes I'm incapable of things that would normally be easy, the itchiness of my belly (which has far exceeded the first pregnancy), and the fact that this little person has complete control of my life...something I suppose I don't necessarily like to relinquish. I will miss several things - I love the idea that this little person is growing inside of me and I love feeling its acrobatics inside of my big belly. I love that since I've been through it before I have an inexplicable, amazing moment ahead when I first see his or her face and we are properly introduced. Mostly I will miss how this baby has bonded me and Jack. I know he doesn't fully understand, but I am going to be ridiculously sad that there's no more "Mommy, open your tummy," so he can rest his face against my warm belly. Or to lay his blankie on it (satiny side up - always) and say, "Let's cuddle baby." Although the memories will be sweet, tears well up in my eyes at the thought of those moments being over. I love that he is comforted by it just before bedtime or after a bad dream. I know if he hasn't already done so, I can suggest it and all is right in his world. I love his questions about baby and his concern for the dogs coming to visit in the hospital while we are there. He is going to be an amazing brother. The boy has a huge heart to match his personality and I can't help but think that somewhere along the way, hubby and I have done something amazingly right. I am cherishing these last few moments that we have as a family of three...I know it won't be much longer and I want to love, love, love on him so he doesn't forget his place in my heart. I am also looking forward to becoming a family of four and seeing him take on his new role as a big brother and the incredible moments we have ahead.

With that, I give you recent pictures of my little man...wearing a headband he found in my drawer, several pairs of my sunglasses - and daddy's athletic cup inside of his pants at his insistence when I told him what it was for - some pictures we took at the pumpkin patch yesterday and a few other randoms...

Well, let's see. I think I have 18 days left. Here's hoping for less, but at this point, I'm not really that optimistic. I think I almost tried to put myself into labor today with the day I had at work - I mean could it have gotten any more ridiculous? I am still swimming in the huge wake of a mess that someone left behind (So glad you are gone! Good riddance!) and I am quite certain this person does not want to meet me in a dark alley. Pregnancy + extreme hatred = dangerous. I have to say, I do need a few more days of work. Just a few more things (I keep telling myself this), and I'll feel like it's ok to go. Frankly, I've had enough, though. I need the break from work. I think the chaos of two children would be easier at this point.

Jack was insane today - I finally had to put him to bed slightly early just to regain my sanity. My breaking point was the "Don't look at me like that, Mom-my," in a very surly tone after he got in trouble for the bazillionth time for jumping on the furniture. Yep, see ya. Actually, furniture jumping isn't a huge deal - when I'm not in the chair, not eating cereal, and there's not a large dog involved. I feel like such a cow when I have these moments - like, where in the hell is your patience, woman? However, there is a moment when you wonder just how many times you can repeat yourself before the broken record finally snaps in two. I need to give myself a break.

To add insult to injury, last week I woke up with a rash splashed across my sides. What. The. Hell. As if I need to feel less attractive in the midsection area. Doctor doesn't even think it's pregnancy related. Which means I have no idea what it is and it's not making much of an attempt to go the hell away. So itching sides are awesome coupled with an itchy belly that I swear cannot get any bigger. I feel like an absolute atrocity. When will this pregnancy end, exactly? I think an eviction notice needs to be served...lease up, little babes!

Finally, a few new pictures of the silly monkey. He makes his favorite new face - the face he gives me after he blows me a kiss goodbye. Then, a good shot of his new chin scar - thanks to sitting on the edge of a chair while bird watching, then rolling off into a basket and finally to the floor. And finally, the picture he insisted on taking - with his "ambeeance" - which is actually a firetruck, but he insists otherwise.

So, I say goodnight...time to hopefully read a smidgen of a new book I borrowed and to hopefully get a bit of good sleep...

Jack taught me how to throw a Frisbee today. "Mom, just cross your body and throw, like this!" I vaguely remember someone teaching him the art a few weeks ago, but really. He knew just what to do. How old is he again? The obsession with firetrucks also continues. No matter where we go, what we do we must drive by the fire station. "I want to see the fire trucks," he says. The other day he was in trouble and said, "Mommy, I need to see the fire trucks. That will make me feel better." How can you argue with two-year-old logic? The kid loves his firetrucks. It helps that his uncle is a fireman and gives Jack the inside advantage on riding around the block in the "big truck", checking out the computers (heard about that this morning), and overall firetruck knowledge. He also points out every. fire hydrant. we. see. It can be exhausting. So, thinking he would want to be a fireman for Halloween, I asked him what he'd like to dress up as. "Santa Claus," he said. And there you have it. His personality is so big and wonderful. Tonight as I sat with my shirt up (hey, it's more comfortable to go commando!), he came over and rubbed his bare belly on mine. Who does that? My kid..my amazing, hilarious kid who cracks me up in a new way at least ten times a day.

I have been bustling around trying to get everything done at work (never going to happen) so that I can feel somewhat content when baby arrives. I am making personal bets with myself as to how soon after the birth my boss will call with questions - if not during. In between short bouts of sleep, I wake up and think of something different that needs to be done. I suppose it's better than knowing they don't need me at all. I feel like I rush around all day long with very few quiet moments and sometimes barely a lunch break. I am ready for maternity leave - I realize it will be hectic with a toddler and a newborn, but it will be nice to get away from the noisiness of work and just be in my own house for awhile, enjoying my babies and hopefully the occasional nap. Or two. Tomorrow we go back to the doctor again for the 37 weeker. Holy cow, in three and a half weeks (or less. or more), I will be a new mama again. I can't wait! I may not have to wait long - seems I am already pretty progressed, which is insane. Which makes me insane. I wish I didn't know. Every twinge, every pain, every kick, I think, "hmmm...what's going on?". After last week's visit, we immediately pre-registered. Which automatically means at least four more weeks, I'm sure. That's what I will get for putting the cart before the horse.

My b-day was pretty uneventful, although I got some delightful new treasures and enough Pottery Barn gift cards to finally feel good about purchasing the bedding I've been eying since at least 1988. And a shiny, new computer! Finally...I don't have to blog at work and I don't have to wait for hubby to get finished using his laptop. I feel like I have finally entered the 21st century. And it only took a zillion years to get here.

I continue to stick with Pilates and lots of walking. And yoga. I'm not sure how effective I really am these days - how effective can you really be with a bowling ball strapped to your belly? I try. I suppose the effort is worth something. Isn't it? If anything, it calms me to do all three. Everything seems chaotic and rest never seems to come. I'm almost sure I don't care about the aerobic or toning benefits at this point. I just want some peace.

This baby is practicing the splits in my belly today. Please, please don't let it be a cheerleader. No offense. I can't do cheerleaders. I can do things like volleyball, baseball, softball, and football. Even basketball (though I stink and haven't played seriously since I was the point guard on the SES junior high championship team of 1992). Seriously, it feels like two rocks are poking out from my sides, and feels equally delightful. I think I just want to complain today. I'll gripe about the fact that I was awake from 3:15 - 5:30 or 6 this morning. I caught up on Hawkeye, Pierce, and the gang and several infomercials. When we decide to re-do our floors in wood, I'm set because there's an amazing tool called the Shark Steam Pocket complete with "next generation technology" and there's nothing like it! My belly is having alien moments nonstop now. It is bursting...and making me groan out loud from the startling power of its boxing technique. My belly is also lopsided. Baby tends to the right - I can look down and visibly see that my shirt is off kilter. I am decidedly ADD when it comes to work. I'll go and go and get so much done and then all I want to do is read gossip sites and look at the sale emails the evil Nordstrom/Steve Madden/Victoria's Secret send.

Jack is as silly as ever. He is fighting potty training (I am throwing in the towel for now), however he does tell me he has to go #2, which makes me laugh. Yesterday he lined up the firetrucks on the bathroom counter so they could watch him. Then they all had to go also. Except one, who "had an accident and needs to change his Pull Up". He doesn't understand that I am incapable of doing certain things with him these days and wants to roughhouse constantly. Jumping on my belly, playing "horsey back", running, tackling. I do what I can, but I am limited. He has convinced himself there is a bug flying around in my stomach, and I argued with him for two nights about no, there's no bug. It's just baby moving. I think he has finally relented. I told him I let the bug outside. He's getting to the age where things worry him and every night before bed we have to go through all of the noises...the dogs running, the cat, the air conditioner, bugs outside, daddy walking upstairs. The whole drill. Endless questions. It does test my patience at times and I feel guilty that sometimes I wind up tuning it out. Oops...it's just that my attention span at this point is probably even smaller than his. He is such a great kid, though. Telling us to be careful when we leave and his concern for everything around him. His kiss-blowing and belly love. I love him times ten bazillion.

My birthday is Friday...the big 32. I can say I'd rather be this age than 22 again. Or maybe just 22 knowing what I know now? Not really...life is happy and good. It will be a pretty low key weekend...except that the Jayhawks open up their football season and I am so excited about it I could wet my pants! I love this time of year. We head to the doc tomorrow morning to find out what's going on down south...I'm interested to know. I feel this baby is going to come in September vs. October, but who can say. I'll probably be pregnant until October 10 just to spite myself. It's every week after this - something that will surely make the time go quicker. I love these last few moments of anticipation and getting things in order. Oh, my niece just called and told me the baby must be birthed before October 5...band concert...I'll see what I can do about that.