I'm trying to decide today if I simply have a case of pregnancy sensitiveness or actual brokenheartedness. For the first time today, my son made me cry, and not in a good way. First, he was being a turd when trying to get dressed, and I got after him and it was the immediate, "I want daddy!" and requisite crying. This is what I deal with now. He no longer wants me, just daddy. Ok, I get the occasional love, but it's almost always daddy. It seems like Daddy gets to do all of the fun things. Jack and I just wind up going to the grocery store together while Daddy takes him out to search for animals (that Daddy is only going to shoot later...boo) while I am teaching class and to baseball games that take place before I get home from work. I wind up having to do the things that we have to do with him...not what we want. Granted, I play football and baseball and tickle him silly, but it's not the same. Today, I'd had it. I finished dressing him and stomped down the stairs and slammed the door without a goodbye. Then I silently cried while I finished blow drying. And I want to cry again. I wasn't prepared for it to happen this soon. It's horrendous and I can't believe my two year old son is already breaking my heart...I thought at the very least it would happen when he brought home a girl in a too short miniskirt, way too much makeup, entirely too much cleavage, and I sent her packing with orders to come back when she looked less like a hooker and more like a 16-year old. But two. Two. Two!

Hubby, Jack & I spent last weekend caring for my grandma who has had numerous TIAs (mini-strokes, you could say), and a couple of actual strokes. Physically, she is fine, but her short term memory is gone and again, I was almost brought to tears by her inability to remember what to put on first when getting dressed. She is terrified of being left alone because she knows that she won't remember things like getting to the bathroom or even whose home she is in. Of course, there are moments of the old Grandma as she laughs at Jack's play-by-play during his imaginary baseball game and throwing a plastic egg so that it ricochets off of the table and nails me in the forehead. But minutes later she will lapse back into a state of almost catatonic-ness and old grandma is long gone. G'ma M loves to play cards (and cheat!) and conquer the crosswords each day. She adores costume jewelry has all of the dangly earrings, cocktail rings, and bracelets that make dress-up complete. She makes ham & beans that no one could resist and taught us all how to make potato salad. My sassy little grandma...now frustrated and struggling at her forgetfulness and inability to do any of those treasured tasks any longer. It was not an easy weekend...not because it was hard to take care of her, any one of us would do it again, but because she is simply no longer herself and those moments where her spunky personality and scratchy voice shine are few and far between. I think most of all it's just sad.

Well, happy Hump Day has turned into crappy hump day, apparently...I promise to blog on happier thoughts soon.